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Press 1 for Pig Latin

Copyright 2008, Robert S Swiatek

All Rights ReservedFirst editionNo part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted inany foby any means, electronluding photocopying, recording, or by any informationstorage and retrieval system without written permission fromboth the copyright owner and the publisher of this bookPublished by Swiatek Press, Inc7I Georgian Lane #Buffalo NY 1422SBN:0-9817843-2United StatesALL RIGHTS RESERVED

to the people whose lives have been madeweary because of the wonders of technology

also by robert s SwiatekThe Read My Lips CookbookA Culinary Journey of Memorable MealsDon 't Bet onTick Tock, Don't Stop1 Manual for WorkaholicsThis Page Intentionally Left blankJust Like the paychecks of the workersI Dont Want to be a pirate- writer, mavbewake up- it's time for your sleeping pillTake Back the earth- The Dumb, greedyIncompetents Have Trashed It

Table of contentstroductionA week of technological troubles2 Hes a register3 Does your television have a spin cycle? 2e me for a ride in your truck, Mac5 Press 8 to surrendere for an upgrade7k in the web and8

Meet serious singles9 Better living through chemistry10 BCCI means Bilk the Citizens11 You just need an appendix transplantGet a free giftb for you15 Work smart to make things betterReferences and recommendations

troductionts stionedthat the citizens were either with the gub'ment oragainst, I assumed he meant that either we werefans of those nasty people med in the firstsentence or not My feeling is really personal,those suicide bombers have made my life moredifficult by creating more work for meBefore that tragic event, I could mail a bookor two from my condo with no questions asked Theime involved might be about ten or fifteen minuteshen i send twoeed to goto the post office beofPatriot Actthe package weighs thirteenounces ororeApparently a bomb cant be made that weighs lessthat This means a half-hourtimemore is needed now It gets more ludicrous

Mymailman mentioned to me that were the package toesult in fireworks on the plane, the post officecouldnt trace the cause if it wasnt first brought toone of their buildings If you figure out that logicIt gets even more bizarre On a trial basisone year, that is- I am renting a mail station fromBowes by doing thatmoreresidence, without being held back because of thepossibility of explohave to drive to the post office Apparently thosewho fly planes without being able or caring to landthem are not allowed to use these gadgets of

On the weekend before the middle of themonth in April of 2008, I modified the home pageweb site and loaded it to the internetewed it and everything seemed in order, includingthe counter for hits The next monday whentrike- thatand loaded what I thought was another reliable one,made the needed modifications and it appeared theall was right with the new web counter, whichdisplayed, 5801 The next day when I checked thesite, the counter hadn t changed Is it even worthhe effort to have these accounting gizmos? I didafter that and the counter hadincreased, so perhaps the counter needed a boosthat took a day or soLike just about everyone reading this, I havea PC-i

f you read my other books, you know whatthink those two letters representspreadsheet of addresses that I use in conjunctiona Word file to produce address labMle andpace dG of the spreadsheet for theaddresses I want on the labels and then close thefile

Then I open the word file- one I have alreadycreated for the spreadsheet -and click on Tools orthe top row and from there, press Mail Mergeet another smal screen ofMerge After that, I get another screen and I thenpress Merge Finally, I see thend if they areguessed, I did a mail merge You also see why theword, simply was in quotes aboveWhen I want to sign off my PC, I have toStarten

get another screen and have to press Turn Off Nw why so many peopouters, instead of theallto Pcs andthe internet let me mention a few of the featurewith which you should be familiar: passwords, justdoestartnot rprocessing, file not found and give up? That last onhaven't seen yet, but it should be featured soIt,'s probably coming with the next version of thesoftwareoday, automobiles are so much safer thaney were in decades past There are more airbagsthe body toupants At the same time, because of theseadvances an accident may result in death or a morecomplicated InJury since rescuers cant extricatedone beforebought a new Subaru in 2005, having hadgood experiences with that product on two otheroccasions

about a few weeks later I heard a carorn sounding and discoveredby blinking of the parking lightsd thatthis greeting came from my car This happened toomany times, sok the car to the dealer whereplaced the alarm system Things improved, butthere were still a few recurrences of these unwantedsymphoniesplayer, which on occasion has behaved badly The2007, when I boughtPmany times you trade oneproblem for another and unfortunately I found thattheta vehicle whenthe car intoreverse, I hear a truly annoying sound of warning

and see a camera-dependent screen on my dash wita view of what's behind me This is so i don't backtohir some building One daywhile I was backing up, the screen indicated I hadplenty of room ahead of the car behind, so I keptgoing and ran into the vehicle I left the sceneto hcrease Obviously, I'm kidding, but I would havemade contact with that automobile and id have topay for my bad judgment had I relied on thatPrinted on my passenger-side mirror areched words, Objects in mirror are closerthan they appear"-a possible book title for one ofy apply to thaotheshouldbother withUnfortunately you can't turn either the sound oricture off, something you can do withown a Sony television with a remote thathas too many buttons One of them is for muting

Itcan really come in handy on occasion, but I dontuse it that often Most of the time I press otheselector On more occasions than I prefer, I depressa button that is far away from the mute thing and thete for another butast thin years, not months That usually happens withguarantees, with the rule being that once it expires,product will break dehave been suchth the remoteyway It's too bad we cant use this remote orpoliticians, lawyers, realtors or businessmenIf your video recorder- if you still have oneis a relatively recent model, you know that the